The Inconvenient Truth About Freedom

Storytime with Ruby

it was heartfelt circa 2016. our very first retreat. friday evening. post-dinner. the session when we go over the expectations for the weekend. 

"and finally, get comfortable being uncomfortable."

in the same split-second, kate and I glanced at each other. like our two brains were one, we turned back to the group. "actually, if it's uncomfortable, it's uncomfortable" I said. "so let's change that to say 'expect to get uncomfortable'," kate finished.

because what if, instead of vilifying the uncomfortable, we let it exist? what if we let the uncomfortable signify that something good is happening? what if by expecting the uncomfortable it becomes a lot less inconvenient?

lately i've been keen to the reality that most things i want in life are wildly inconvenient. 

a garden? rain or shine, inconvenient. 
more travel? inherently inconvenient.  
life-long friendships? remarkably inconvenient. 
having kids? incredibly inconvenient.

inconvenience: causing difficulty or discomfort

of course, whether an inconvenience is considered good or bad depends on the outcome. and our attitude. there's always a pay-off/cost analysis to be made. and at the end of the day, even though something may cost our convenience, it may be undeniably worth it.

i love that the way we run the self study program march through december makes july the month of freedom -- post-courage, pre-boundaries, pure uninhibited bliss.

but even freedom comes with its own set of inconveniences.

it's uncomfortable to allow everything to belong.

if everything belongs, then i guess i can't brainwash myself out of getting angry when my property manager is passive aggressive again or having always wanted to join a hiphop dance troupe.

i think when people say 'get comfortable with the uncomfortable' they have good intentions. they want to be reminded that there's a payoff in the discomfort, which is true! and they want you to remember to find joy in the process, which is absolutely possible and important!

but if we ignore the fact that it's uncomfortable, we're saying that the discomfort doesn't belong-- that we should be able to be better than the discomfort. and that's just plain silly.

you don't have to be better than the discomfort. that's not what offers relief. 

it's when we're honest about the discomfort-- when we let it belong, too, right alongside the desire and will and determination and hope and purpose and challenge-- that it gets lighter.

it may never get easier, but that's the beautiful inconvenience of it.

we can do hard things and it can feel lighter and it can be worth it and we don't have to pretend that it's any other way.

better yet, we can start now and we can start small:

what would make you feel more free this weekend? what are you not letting belong? what would happen if you embraced the inconvenience by expecting the discomfort? what's the payoff on the other side?

if you're thinking: YES! this makes so much sense, but i feel stuck in trying to do it alone... this is what My Self Study Practice is for. Check out our free course, get the journal, start 1:1 coaching...

because your freedom is worth it.

you're doing great,
Ruby