The Practice of Possibility: Choosing What Feels Right

Storytime with Ruby

As of yesterday Jake (my husband) and I have lived in Colorado for 500 days. My favorite parts about being here are our apartment mountain view and having my sister as my neighbor.

Being somewhere new takes time to acclimate, but I'm not sure I'll ever get used to people at the grocery store not saying hello back to me or strangers acting outright flabbergasted that I held the door for them.

I started teaching yoga again in January, and that has been a big ol' healing journey of its own on so many levels. It's definitely given me access to connection in this new, foreign place. Thank goodness.

We like it here, but we don't love it. It's not our forever home. And we've both been feeling a little stuck.

So a few weeks ago when we were scheming our next steps, like the Virgo moons that we are, we naturally (wildly) thought: We could just leave when our lease is up August 1st. (We are also both air sun signs, IYKYK)

Excitement flooded my veins as the wheels started turning in my brain.

8 weeks. 2 of which we'll be out of town. Pack. Move. Inform my mom we'll be moving in short-term. Pros and cons list. Talk to my sister. Quit job. Jake figure out work. Tell our property manager.

Possibility!
Opportunity!
Adrenaline rush!
YOLO!

We made the pros and cons list and took a week to feel it out. Try it on. Pretend that THIS IS WHAT WE'RE DOING.

After sitting with it, talking to our people, and imagining what it would look like, all signs pointed to YES.

And then...

After I talked to my sister about it I was overcome with uncertainty. Something felt off. Incomplete. Half-baked, maybe.

I spent the weekend in an anxious spiral, my brain begging me to make THE RIGHT decision. Throwing every possible sliver of proof at both sides of the equation.

Thankfully, I had therapy a few days later.

There's just something about have third-party support and guidance that is incredibly centering; it's a place to land and recalibrate. To listen to what I have to say as I share it to someone who isn't personally invested in my life choices.

It was in this sharing and listening that I was able to hear my heart.

Tears flooded my eyes as I realized: Our time here doesn't quite feel complete. I want to be here, living next door to my sister. Because who knows when that's going to get to happen again, and this past year was wrought with a tough patch that still hasn't fully healed up. My grief needs me to stay. My nervous system needs me to not pack up and move right this second. I don't have to do the "hardest" thing for it to be the "right" thing. It's ok to choose what feels comforting right now. I can still trust that our plan will play out, one year later, and that we aren't losing by choosing to stay. I'm not "failing" at doing the work by wanting to stay put and YOLO where I am. I can let the next step come when the next step feels like the next right step.

Most of my life has been defined by doing the thing that took the most. Like packing up on a whim and launching myself into something totally new and destabilizing. And honestly, I'm still doing the things that take the most, it just looks a little different this time. Like making a plan for the next year, getting creative with how we can make the most of this extra time, leaning into my work with Kate and taking on more coaching clients.

Getting here feels like a huge sigh of relief.

I can breathe deeply knowing that there's always going to be a next right step. For now that means resigning our lease for one more year in Colorado.

I'm reminded that to believe that something is possible is to believe that there is choice. There is always a powerful choice to be made. It's always just the next right step, whatever that means. And as long as I keep believing that there's always something I can do about it then there's always another choice that can be made.

That process is a practice, and all the things that come along with it.

Possibility is a practice.
Choice is a practice.
Getting what you need is a practice.
Knowing what you like is a practice.
Trusting your intuition is a practice.

And it takes a network of tools, resources, and support to sustainably practice, lean in, and grow more fully into yourself.

I'm really proud of this choice, and I'm especially proud of the network I've built around me.

Here's to growth,
Ruby

PS If you're feeling stuck in a choice, or feeling powerless within a piece of your life, maybe now is the right time to start Self Study Coaching with myself or Kate. We set up 10 sessions with you so that we're with you along the way as you ease into whatever that next right step is. Self Study Coaching is an intuitive process that uses the framework and themes of the My Self Study Practice (things like presence, acceptance, trust, courage...) to meet you where you are. No two client sessions look the same because we are totally devoted to supporting you with whatever you're working on. You can set up a Discovery Call here if you're curious.