You Are Not Hard to Love

Storytime with Ruby

I should have known this was a red flag.

In my last relationship my boyfriend acted like he didn't have any needs or that all his needs were met all the time. (Lucky him, I guess?!)

But that means that when I expressed that I had some needs...

Which was honestly a new concept for me. Shoutout to my therapist, Jessica 🫶

...like... I'd like to go on a date once a month, that I'd appreciate if we could keep the clothes out of the floor, that I'd like to have sex more, that we should take a few days away every once in a while, that I'd enjoy going on walks together...

I was met with misunderstanding.

He even told me once that I needed to be patient with him because it took a lot of effort for him to do these things that I was asking.

What I wasn't willing to accept then, but I understand now is that he was (unintentionally) saying that I'm hard to love. At least, in the ways that I wanted to be loved.

Eventually I realized this wasn't going to work out.

I literally met my husband two months after that breakup, and he has never once made me feel hard to love.

He's never expressed that I'm needy, and when I share that I'm feeling needy, he meets me with generosity and a reminder that what I'm asking for is reasonable.

What I learned here is that if someone is making you feel hard to love, they may not be your person. You may not be compatible. 

And that's ok.

I had to give up trying to prove that I can make something work that just wasn't going to work. 

Now I have a husband who expresses his needs. I get to express mine. We get to work on them together.

And, perhaps most importantly, I get to stop believing that I'm hard to love.

You're not hard to love either.

I promise. You are not hard to love.

Ok, honestly, maybe for some people, but the point is those are not your people!

And the question I've been asking myself, that I'll leave you with is this:

Have you been believing that you're hard to love? Treating yourself like you're hard to love? Letting someone who is not your person make you feel hard to love?

If yes, and I know bc I have done this to myself too, stop it.

This is what My Self Study Practice is for. Check out our free course, get the journal, start 1:1 coaching...

But please stop believing that about yourself.

I love you,
Ruby

PS Mark your calendar for Wednesday, July 10th, 6:30-8:30pm ET - We're still working on all the marketing details, so the official page and price is TBD, but if you sign up now, you can join us for just $19! Whenever we go live the price will go up, so go ahead and RSVP to save your spot.

* if you are currently enrolled in the Self Study Program this workshop is included and you will receive the direct link to attend closer to the date

I hope to see you there!