trad self help is out, self study is in

Storytime with Ruby

Hi there,

Is it just me, or has self help become unbearably boring?

Everywhere I turn it's "7 steps to turning your life around for good" and "75 hard your way to greatness" and literally every imaginable self-help equivalent of the 90's diet culture champion: "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." blah blah blah...

It's the Just Do It attitude, which I appreciate, but it gets weaponized as "Just Do It... THIS way," and I swear if I see one more post about how exactly I should be SMART-goaling my way to becoming a billionaire or just vision board my way to happiness I might scream.

I guess it's always been this way, but it feels like a new wave of crash-course-your-way-to-a-perfect-healthy-routine-life.

It's exasperating, and quite honestly, I'm so fucking bored of it.

And this is coming from ya girl who loves a goal, goes giddy over a vision board, and is always optimizing my routines.... for fun.

Hannah, from the 2023 Self Study Program said it best when she shared with the group:
My biggest issue with self help today is that we’ve turned it into just another thing… on top of everything else, I also have to fully develop myself?!?! That’s a lot! Who says!

Same, girl.

And to what end?!

That's the thing that really gets me about self development. What are we really trying to do here? Who is it really for??

Personal confession: I used to use self help to try to fix myself before letting myself go deep in relationship.

I thought I could control the narrative that way.
That no one could choose to not love me if I made myself perfect.
That I was doing everyone a favor.
That it was my responsibility to "do the work" to become the BEST version of me.

You can probably guess how that went…

Well, I was pretty much always left feeling lonely. People called me 'hard to read.' My relationships, even the good ones, still had an emotionally-distant edge to them.

And since I have the self-discipline of an ox (is that even an expression? you get what I mean, though, right? lol) I could take any self help tip or trick and apply it spot on.

While it was useful to me in some ways, I was left feeling disconnected from myself... How did I feel? What did I need? What did I want? What actually made me happy? and from others... Did they really love and support me? Does my happiness matter if they're happy? Is it being a team player if I'm always bending to what they want?

Maybe you've experienced something like this, too?!

First of all - you’re not alone!

Second of all - PSA to all of us - self development should be FOR YOU. Which means how you apply any of it should be ACCORDING TO YOU.

You call the shots. You decide what resonates and what doesn't. You take what you need and leave the rest.

But that's totally opposite of how we're told it should be... partly because of the culture of individualism we prescribe to, partly because we were never taught to trust our gut.

Kate and I created the My Self Study Practice because we BELIEVE in doing inner work FOR YOU, ACCORDING TO YOU, ALONGSIDE each other— IN relationship. BECAUSE we’re all worthy of love and belonging… with or without going any deeper!

You don't have to fully develop yourself. What does that even mean, anyway?

There's no timeline. You literally cannot be late to your own party.

You can enjoy the process. Because if part of the outcome isn't liking yourself more, then seriously what's the point?!

The Self Study Program is the ideal environment for shifting your belief system from individualized self-loathing and perfectionism into being your full self, a very important part of the fabric within community, and fostering a sense of self-belonging with and through connection.

Hannah went on to say:
This program is the first time in my life I've felt like I’m good enough.

I'm good enough. I’m good enough if I don’t do the homework. I’m good enough if I don’t come to every session. I’m good enough if I don’t participate in every activity.

It felt healing to release the expectations on myself. And I still learned a lot!

Now THAT'S the spirit of growth that we're looking for!

It's why we call it Self Study, and not self help or self work or even self development.

Personally, I can say that the My Self Study Practice has changed everything for me in my relationship with myself. The nine themes gently guide me home every single time. It's why we call it a field guide for inner homing.

Taking a closer look at yourself should lead to more belonging, not more shame.

So if you're feeling like me... bored with all the self help baloney. Or pissed off. Or frustrated. Or defeated. Or ashamed. Or whatever you're feeling about it...

May I remind you again that you are not alone.

And you don't have to do it alone.

The 2024 Self Study Program starts mid-March. It's just around the corner, and it's proven to offer you belonging, inner homing, and permission to live your life according to you.

Applications are open — go ahead and apply! It’s a no commitment process where you apply, we chat, and then you enroll.

Wanna dip your toes in first? Join us for our free class from not enough to owning your YOU era, Wednesday, February 21st, 6:30-8:30pm ET. We have a special surprise for everyone who shows up!

Let's make 2024 the year that we stop trying so hard to fix ourselves.

Because tbh we love you just the way you are. ❤️

Here's to living a full self, full send life!

You're Doing Great,
Ruby